I took out a sheet of paper to write down the lyrics to a song, but I couldn't think of which song to copy down, so I'm writing this instead.

Specific words escape me. As I'm writing, they are just flowing from my pen. So many different things are scrambled in my mind, a flock of bees whirring around and in their hive. So many different things are going on in my life right now.

Or does my mind make things too complicated for my own good? Some logical part of my brain is telling me that the answer is simple, that it's right there in my face. But a more emotional part says that I need to take everything into consideration.

I often say that my head is in a constant battle with my heart. Now, though, I'm not so sure it's just that. My heart is being torn, as well as my mind. Logic, feeling, reason, emotion... it's all jumbled. It's not just a one-on-one battle anymore. It's an all-out war. And no parties are winning.

I think I'm at a stalemate. I almost know what I want, but at the same time I almost have no idea. I feel like I'm locked in a box, different voices yelling in at me. I sit in my chamber, curled into a ball, my hands over my ears, but I can't drown them out.

Two voices sound over the rest. One begs me to do one thing, the other wants me to find my own voice. I open my mouth to scream, but nothing comes out, and I am pounded by the sounds attacking me.

My every day life is filled with this. As my mind is attacked, I can feel it in my heart. It hurts. Words can't describe how it hurts. It's all I can think about. It's the last think I think about when I'm falling asleep, and the first thing I think about in the morning.

I don't know how much longer I can just sit back and take this. I've been just taking it for so long. I don't know what I should do.